Women who are attracted to men but also don’t like penetrative sex - and I’m definitely + explicitly + it’s very much the point including vaginal penetrative sex here - are also perfectly within their rights to have that boundary and to have it respected.
Straight or bisexual women, cis or trans women, doesn’t matter - I feel like womanhood is often equated with enjoying penetration. But it’s not. Your identity doesn’t dictate what you like sexually. And what you like sexually doesn’t dictate your identity.
And I think especially for women who are attracted to men, enjoying penetrative sex is considered such a must that many of us don’t even question it - to the point that a) not wanting it is considered a medical issue by itself and b) with many medical complications or conditions or even psychological reasons that someone might find vaginal penetration painful, the first concern is often not even to fix the underlying issue or even to make that kind of sex pleasurable - but to make her “functional” for her partner again. (Prized example: The husband-stitch. Generally, I hear so often from women whose partners got impatient with their recovery after they gave birth and who felt pressured to have vaginal sex before they felt like it.)
So I just want to say:
Womanhood does not equal enjoying penetration.
Being AFAB doesn’t equal enjoying penetration.
Being attracted to men doesn’t equal enjoying penetration.
What you enjoy sexually is not a matter of your identity. It’s only a matter of what you enjoy and what you and your partner(s) genuinely want to do.
And actually, yes, this specifically goes out to heterosexual cis women in particular: Even if you never ever ever want to have vaginal penetrative sex - that’s perfectly fine. You are perfectly within your rights to have that boundary. And no man has any right to force you. And calling you “uptight” or “vanilla” or “weird” or “but you own a dildo” or “It’ll be good with me, I swear!” - that’s a way of forcing you. He has two options a) accept your boundary and find a different way to have sex b) accept your boundary and go home.
If there is an underlying medical issue like cysts or if you have vaginismus that diminishes your quality of life - of course I recommend seeing a doctor. And if you have experienced trauma, I recommend therapy. All of which should be focussed on helping you with the things that you deem important - and not what your partner or a potential partner deems important.
But if you simply just don’t want to have penetrative sex - then don’t. Nothing is wrong with you. No one has any right to force you.
We often say “don’t do anal if you don’t want to”, “don’t do oral if you don’t want to” - and those are very, very true! But I feel like we don’t say “don’t do vaginal if you don’t want to” or “don’t have penetrative sex at all if you don’t want to” often enough to women - because it’s such an expectation that everyone would enjoy it.
And also, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Sometimes, trauma is a reason - but if you have experienced trauma, you’re not obligated to tell your partner the details of it to justify not wanting to have that kind of sex. “No” is a full sentence. Sometimes the fear of pregnancy or contraception failing is a reason - and that’s also to be respected.
And if you don’t have any reason related to trauma or a medical condition - you’re still perfectly within your rights to have that boundary respected. Sex is supposed to feel good for both partners involved. And any partner who doesn’t care about your boundaries or pressures you - is for the streets. Gotta go. Is an ex. Shoo. Out. Over.
Can all the tumblr homosexuals agree to stop buying chick fil a. It’s so depressing that across the board lgbt people and supporters are indifferent to chick fil a and feel fine buying it. Can we at least stigmatize it here
For those who actually like chick fil a sauce and refuse to boycott because of that:
It’s ranch dressing, honey mustard, and barbecue sauce. Now free yourself
Fuck Chick-fil-A. That homophobic chicken isn’t even that good, y'all are literally simping over chicken that tastes like it was made at a White cookout
This is why I dislike looking back on the past as if everything has been constantly improving to get us to where we are now
Our cement isn’t as strong as the Romans, our steel isn’t as strong as Damascus steel, we cannot replicate the beauty of a Stradivari violin, we’ve already lost some of the technology that flew Apollo and Gemini to space
And when I live out a suitcase I have to sift through a pile of stuff like a neanderthal
for once, i’m not here to thirst over queer actresses or read fan fiction about my fave ships. i’m here to say thank you, to my queer nook of tumblr that embraced me when i moved to boston and wanted to find community outside of loud gay clubs. y'all gave me my first longterm gf from the brittana fandom, and validated me when i obsessed over a little webseries that could.
i’m a little more grown up now, and some friends and i are fundraising to open an LGBTQ+ library here in boston. a place where we can be gay and weird and awesome, but most importantly, ourselves. so, to my friends i’ve had since i joined this hellsite back in 2012, GUESS WHAT. my team is launching the QT Library, an LGBTQ+ library in Boston. i’d love if y'all could spread the word or even pledge to donate. i love y'all so long that you could scroll through that “color of the sky” post a million times and still not reach the end of my love. i’ll see myself out lol
xoxo Carina
Hey, hey, hey, welcome!!
The more the merrier when it comes to queer libraries - everybody check out the QT Library! They’re building a brick & mortar queer library & sober space in Boston, & we over at Queer Liberation Library are so excited to see this project become a reality <3
Favorite thing about renaissance faires is that they have fuck all to to with the renaissance. This thang is not about historical anything this is about dressing up like a fairy and watching a joust
As an avowed Map Completionist in my gaming, this development is about to ruin my life
“Hold on, I need to go down this dark alleyway that has a palpable air of danger.”
“Why?”
“It’s still fogged out on my map…”
[Image description: A tweet from aidan @aidanshandle reading “Google Maps but it has Fog of War for places you haven’t yet visited”, posted 11 Feb 2023 at 6:50pm local to the screenshot, and bearing an image of the concept above - a blurred map with only some parts unblurred. End description.]
ALT
